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Katherine Naftzger

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Beyond Survival Mode – Two Stories from the Past

January 2, 2020 by Katherine Naftzger Leave a Comment

Years ago, I went on a service tour to S. Korea with my adoptive mother through Dillon, International, which is an adoption agency. A service tour is specifically geared towards helping to support and care for children living outside of the home.

Because my flight was delayed, when I finally arrived, everyone else on the tour was fast asleep.

I went directly to my room and tried to do the same. But, no. It was just me, and my jetlag, for hours. As I lay there, awake, through the stillness, I heard a baby crying, sometimes one, sometimes more. I realized that I was sleeping on the same floor as the infant care unit. We were in a guest house through Dillon. Along with infants, it was also an area of the building that was for young birth mothers to reside, a few floors up.

As I listened to the continuous crying, I waited for that moment of silence, that seemingly inevitable pause, but it didn’t happen, at least not for the few hours that I heard.

Just then, I felt an inexplicable urge to go to those crying babies and whisper,

“Shhh! They’re not going to choose you if you cry!”

In that moment, getting chosen was all that mattered. Logically, I knew better, but I had gone into survival mode. It was their best chance at having a family and a better life. If not, the odds would be stacked against them. There might be some truth to that! But, at that moment, I saw crying as a liability, something that makes them less desirable, and appear less easy to parent, putting them at a disadvantage.

Survival mode is doing whatever it takes to survive. You don’t take it for granted because early on, you were at risk. That very first narrative was not just about relinquishment or abandonment, it was about survival.

This has also been a salient theme in my work with adoptees. Even if they don’t know what happened, they feel it.

They’ve made comments like,

“I could have died.”

“I don’t know how I survived.”

“I would have been dead.”

“I was lucky to have survived.”

Cautioning those babies to appear happy and well-adjusted was a strategy, an attempt on my part to stack the odds. It made sense. After all, solely depending on the luck of the draw, seems precarious at best. Strategizingrefers to the actions that some adoptees take to maximize their chances of being loved, needed and taken care of.

You might be wondering where the issue lies. What’s wrong with wanting to set oneself up for success?

The issue is that when you make strategic decisions, it is often because the stakes feel incredibly high. And, it doesn’t feel satisfying even when it does work out as you had hoped. Instead, you feel like you dodged a bullet. You might breathe a sigh of relief, but then the cycle begins again.

Fear of Failure

One strategy that we may inadvertently employ, is playing it safe. My moment of recognition was in my junior year at Skidmore College. I played flute and was heavily involved in the music program. We had guest faculty from the composition department at Juilliard do a “master class” with us, we played for him with an audience.

I was in a trio with cello and piano.

That evening, all of us went to dinner with the Juilliard people. We were all talking and laughing and just joking around, enjoying that post-performance feeling.

In the midst of our conversation about Juilliard, the guy just turned to me and said, “Are you afraid to fail?”

I hesitated, then shrugged, and said, “Sure, who isn’t afraid to fail?”

Then, he said, “You play like you’re afraid to fail.”

He gestured towards me and said, “If you used half of this personality in your playing, you could do anything you wanted to with flute.”

When we don’t want to do anything wrong, to make mistakes, we hold back, play it safe. When we’re in survival mode, it feels too risky to be ourselves. We want to be what others want or need.

So, what’s the cost? Joy and authenticity. Being authentic despite the risk of not pleasing everyone is such an important part of cultivating our identity. And, there’s no joy in dodging bullets.

Check yourself by asking –

Am I really at risk if I do this? What are the odds?

Am I making this decision because I choose to or because I have to?

Does this matter in the long run?”

Is this really “me?”

It’s harder than it looks! We’re not looking for transformation, just breakthrough moments. Try not to be too hard on yourself! Respect and appreciate the part of you that still puts survival above everything else. You are a unique, amazing person!

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Talking About the Past

October 29, 2019 by Katherine Naftzger Leave a Comment

As adults, we know that our hardest times are also when we’ve learned and matured the most. Synthesizing the past is important to our sense of identity and ability to move forward.

Your kids have already been through a lot – losses, mental health crises, social stress, academic failure, and of course, the context surrounding their adoption. But, whatever happened was a significant aspect of their lives but doesn’t define their lives. Although we don’t want to push or insist, we do want to open the door to talk more, then or later.

How do we talk about the past? I know that I’ve said that questions aren’t always the way to go, but there are times when they’re useful! Here are some examples of how to initiate conversation.

How do you look back on that time? Sometimes we find ourselves assuming too much, in part because we don’t get needed information from them. This kind of question allows enough openness for the adoptee but still directs it so as not to be overwhelming. Another version of this question is, what do you remember from that time?

What stays with you? This is more of a feelings question without putting too much of a spotlight on them. Again, we’re giving them control over how much or little they share, and suggesting that their experience matters more than our opinion in that moment. Teens can sometimes get the sense that we ask questions so that we can share our perspective, not hear theirs. This is the opposite message.

How much do you think about what happened? Or, is that something that is on your mind a lot these days?” This question gets to how much or little it haunts/scares/empowers them. This can be helpful when addressing current issues. For example, let’s say I have a someone who was in a deep depression last fall and this fall is now struggling. If I ask how much he thinks about last fall and he says, “I think about it all the time,” I can utilize it to know potentially what we can learn from it – patterns, themes, successes, disappointments, etc.

Let’s say you approach them and they minimize it, saying, “It was not a big thing,” or “I don’t think about it at all,” how should you respond?

You might say something like, “Somehow I feel like there’s more to say about this… maybe we could circle back to it sometime.” Note that you’re not exactly asking, just letting them know that the invitation is there.

What if they say, “I wasted a whole year!” or something like that? Try not to get into a power struggle. Our message is, “It didn’t go as you would have expected/wanted/needed. You know yourself in a different way now, but you had to learn it the hard way.”

“It’s really hard to accept.”

Of course, it’s not the past itself, it’s our relationship with it that we can change. We’re encouraging acceptance by empathizing with them. That way, if and when they do come to accept it, it comes from them, not us.

This may seem pretty detailed analysis for a simple everyday discussion about the past, but the words we choose can make all the difference.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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Reframing Suicidal Feelings for Adoptees

August 29, 2019 by Katherine Naftzger Leave a Comment

The holidays can be one of the happiest and saddest times of the year. In fact, they can often be more difficult than we could have even imagined. Holidays are a bookmark in time. We can remember past Christmas’s or Hannukkah’s – what was going on in our lives, how much or little we were struggling…if we felt lost, alone and hopeless, we remember that, too. We also remember not knowing what to say when our well-intentioned relatives ask, “What have you been up to, lately?” What we didn’t say, despite wanting or needing to, often loom just as large as the words we spoke.

And, when things were or are at their worst, we struggle to figure out who to talk to, what to say, and may even question whether it’s worth bringing up. After all, it’s never easy to talk about, even with someone you love, trust, or trained.

But, the truth is, many of us think about life and death all the time, right? Suicidality is just one aspect of a running stream of consciousness in our minds. Our story was one of life and death. We were separated from our birth parent, a high-risk situation. We had another chance, at a good life and a family that became our own. But, in my work with adoptees, I’ve heard the refrain, “I could have died. I was lucky.” Lucky… to have survived? Imagine one’s first story being one of luck, just to have made it this far. Death has been inextricably intertwined with life from the beginning.

So, when we’re at our worst, our lowest point, maybe our loneliest, we’re faced with the decision, our challenge is not just to avoid death again and again, as we did those many years ago, in the beginning. No, our challenge is to choose to life, not death, again and again. To choose to live is active, engaged, deliberate.

Of those who jumped off the San Francisco bridge and survived (2%), they all reported that they regretted it as soon as their feet left the bridge. When we’re at our worst, sometimes choosing life is enough.

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Conversation Starters

August 29, 2019 by Katherine Naftzger Leave a Comment

Conversation Starters

If you have a teen, starting the conversation is half the battle.

Often, when the topic of “connecting conversations” comes up, adoptive parents will remark, “Conversation?! He doesn’t even say two words to me!”

So, how do you start the conversation?

One of the first tips that I suggest adoptive parents is to not ask questions.

When we ask questions, adopted teens can feel pressured, spotlighted, judged and misunderstood.

But, there are other alternatives!

  1. I was just thinking about you!
  2. I was trying to figure out what you meant when you said…
  3. I would imagine that it’s hard to…
  4. I wondered how it went today!
  5. “I didn’t know if you…”
  6. “I wasn’t sure if you were still upset about what happened yesterday.”

These are helpful starters to try when you’re trying to get answers or information.

But, if you’d like to invite them to share something regarding their emotional experience, sharing with them about your own experience might pave the way. I’m not suggesting that you bare your soul, more that you share something general about the topic that’s on your mind.

For example, not all but many adoptees think about their birth mother or parent on their birthday. Not surprising, I guess! But, instead of asking, “Are you thinking about your birth parent today?” you could say, “You know, on your birthday, I often think about your birth parent!” Your chances are higher that they’ll respond, and even when they don’t, it’ll pave the way for discussions down the road.

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Authenticity

August 29, 2019 by Katherine Naftzger Leave a Comment

In my work with adoptive families, I strive to help adoptees to feel empowered and optimistic about their future and connected for the long haul. But, there’s something else.

Authenticity.

What does that mean in my work with adoptees? I mean that they’re not trying to be something or someone they’re not. You might wonder, isn’t this everyone’s challenge? Is this really an adoption issue?

Yes, it’s everyone’s challenge, but for adopted teens, it’s huge. As you may know, I conceptualize the adoption story as one of survival. Adoptees survived difficult beginnings. They didn’t have the undying protection and care that they needed and deserved. Like many with risky lives, adopted teens have talked with me about being “lucky” to have survived, or to have had a second chance at a life and a family. Each adoptee is different in the way that they respond, based on countless factors, of course. But, some go into “strategy” mode without even realizing it.

The strategy is – if I can be liked by everyone, I’m less likely to be alone, abandoned and at risk, again. If I can be perfect in school and at home, then it was be perfectly clear to all how valuable and deserving I am of this life, despite my rocky beginnings/background/genetic predisposition.

How is this especially relevant to adopted teens?

Identity.

To be authentic, it helps to know yourself! That’s easier said than done, especially for adopted teens. They’re not just facing who they are, but also who they might be in the future. What is their potential. Who do they want to be. Is that even possible or realistic?

Sometimes adoptees pretend that they have no needs, that they’re so easy to love, to be with. Having needs feels demanding, entitled. When, really, it’s just human!

It can be sort of subtle! I remember doing a phone consultation with a young adult adoptee. She talked about how she constantly needs to please everybody and be what she believes that they need her to be. Then she said, “I’m doing it right now!”

Authenticity. It’s elusive, but possible, and a great goal for adoptees to explore. “Is this really what I’m feeling? Am I telling them what I actually think, or what I think they want to hear? Am I trying to be the perfect girlfriend/boyfriend and not make waves, when really, I’m unhappy?”

Being authentic is empowering.

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The Difference Between Supporting and Reassuring Your Adopted Teen

August 29, 2019 by Katherine Naftzger Leave a Comment

Adoptive parents might say things such as,

“We’ll always be here for you, no matter what.”

“You have nothing to worry about. We are your forever family.”

“You can trust us.”

“You can talk to us. We love you!”

These statements are often comforting and encouraging.

That is, until the teen years.

When the teen years hit, parents’ attempts to reassure and comfort don’t go well. Quite the opposite, unfortunately.

Example:

Let’s say that your adopted teen who has a learning disability who is struggling with his homework.

Teen – I can’t do this! I’m going to fail this class. In fact, I’m such an idiot!

Parent – Sweetie! No, you’re not. You’re incredibly smart. Remember what your teacher said? You just have a different way of learning.

Teen – Come on, Mom. Give me a break. You have no idea what you’re talking about. You got straight A’s your entire life, remember?

Parent –  Listen, your dad and I have always told you – we don’t care about your grades. We just care about the effort you’re putting in. Just try your best! You can do it!

Teen throws his homework all over the room and storms upstairs.

Have you ever had a conversation like this with your teen? It’s so frustrating, discouraging!

What happened? There’s a lot going on, but one is that in an effort to reassure, the parent continually disagrees with the teen. She disagrees that he’s dumb and she disagrees that his grades matter. The teen ends up feeling misunderstood, patronized, disempowered and more alone.

Is there anything that the parent could have done differently? Nothing is guaranteed, of course. But, let’s look at another option.

Alternative Conversation

Teen – I can’t do this! I’m going to fail this class. In fact, I’m such an idiot!

Parent – What are you working on?

Teen – This chem lab. I don’t understand any of it!

Parent – Oh my gosh, yeah. That stuff can be really hard. That’s a lot.

Teen – Seriously, I’m going to fail this class.

Parent – Of course, yeah, you don’t want to fail, if at all possible. For now, when you find a way to get back to it, you can work through where you got stuck.

Teen – I’ll never figure this out!

Parent – Yeah, it’s a lot! High school is a grind, sometimes.

Now, this may seem unrealistic, but I assure you, it’s not! In this example, the parent did not get into a debate. She validated his assertion that grades were important, and that it can be discouraging. She was there for him in a way that had potential for him to ultimately feel empowered.

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When Adopted Teens Underachieve – What Teachers Need to Know About Authority

August 29, 2019 by Katherine Naftzger Leave a Comment

When an adopted student (or any student) is struggling academically, we consider things like learning disabilities, emotional issues and school fit. As teachers, parents and practitioners in their lives, we use IEPs and learning centers to learn and support them. All the while, we’re trying to develop an understanding of them, the student. Why won’t they try when they’re clearly bright and capable enough, at least in our eyes? Why are they so disdainful and rejecting of the school administration? And, why won’t they just get their act together and do their homework at night? Why would they limit their future opportunities? And, why are they so resistant to getting help?

Those are our questions.

But, often when I talk with adopted teens who are struggling in school, the conversation goes very differently. It doesn’t start with their IEP or squandering their future potential. No. It starts with their teachers.

A teen might say a variation of something like this —

“My teacher is so stupid. She doesn’t even collect the homework. She doesn’t give a s___. And, get this. We were talking about Oliver Twist, you know him? Well, some jerk classmate said something about him not being that important because he’s an orphan, and she didn’t even correct him! When I went to ask her a question, she didn’t even look up! I just stopped doing my homework. She means nothing to me. She doesn’t know me.”

For us, those complaints might sound more like excuses than legitimate issues…. and there might be some truth to that.

Many of us have responded by saying something like, “Sweetie, your grades are your responsibility. Don’t use your teacher as an excuse not to do your work. If you would just apply yourself…” at which point the conversation quickly escalates, or completely unravels.

Or, we might choose to side with the teen, “That’s not right. The teacher never should have…”

But, in truth, both reactions miss the mark. It’s not really about the teacher. It’s about the adopted teen’s relationship with authority. 

For adopted teens, If they don’t respect their teachers, they can’t trust them. And, if they can’t trust them, the don’t want to work for them. You see, working for them puts them in a vulnerable position. The adopted teen feels vulnerable because he or she has basically agreed that his teacher’s assessment of his work is important to him or her.

Why is respect so central? Let me explain. In the adoption story, the narrative, adults in their life could not do what they were “supposed” to do. The parents who birthed them couldn’t raise them. They were in an extremely vulnerable position, and many who were in their same situation didn’t make it through. Because of this, adoptees have a certain vigilance when it comes to adults who are slated to teach, guide or protect them. They’re looking for certain signs, red flags that their teacher isn’t up to the task, isn’t engaged or invested in them.

They might ask  —

Are they competent?

Do they really care about the students or are they just doing it because they have to?

Are they burnt out? Unreliable? Do they do what they say they’re going to do?

Will they become overly invested or not invested enough in my academic performance?

Are they hypocritical? Fake?

Do they know themselves as well as they think they do?

How much can I get away with?

These questions might sound logical and appropriate but I want to emphasize the vigilance in answering these questions. For the adopted underachiever, any minute sign that the teacher could be compromised will not be lost on them.

I’m not suggesting that teachers deserve this level of scrutiny and am not justifying these perceptions. But, what  I am suggesting is that the conversation needs to change. And, I’m not suggesting that teachers should start talking with their adopted students about how they don’t trust easily, etc.

But, the more that teachers can recognize that for underachieving adopted teens, it’s more than just learning style or low self-esteem or oppositionality, the better. If you can earn their respect over time, you’ll be doing your part in helping them to achieve their academic potential.

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When I First Realized that Adoption was a Story of Survival

August 29, 2019 by Katherine Naftzger Leave a Comment

It was in my first meeting with Nora, 13, adopted from Korea at five months old. She had been crying a lot for the past week talking about how much she missed her birth mother. That’s when her mom got in touch with me.

In those first few meetings, I learned a lot about Nora. She was close with her adoptive parents who were responsive and thoughtful. She had lots of friends and was doing well in school. But there was an aspect of her story that still haunted her. Based on the sparse information in her file, Nora believed that she was left outside of a social welfare agency, and later found and brought in by a worker.

“I could have died,” she said.
Her eyes flooded with tears and she said it again.
“I could have died.”
Those words had never seen the light of day. It was like

a confession. Although she didn’t have the facts, what could have happened frightened her. Like other survivors she had come too close to not making it through. She knew that she had been at risk. She had spoken with her adoptive mother about most things but not this.

What did she need from me? A witness. There are often no witnesses in the lives of adoptees. Although I wasn’t there, I could be a witness for her story. She didn’t need me to tell her that she was safe or loved. She didn’t need me to explain why that might have happened to her. If I had responded that way, she might have sensed that I wanted her to feel better and tried to oblige. Then, she would be doing it for me not for her.

Calm and heartfelt, I said, “That must have been so scary for you to be all alone like that. You were afraid that something would happen to you,” to which she responded tearily, “I know.”

In time, she didn’t need to talk about it anymore. For now, it was as if a burden had been lifted.

Yes, the power of witnessing cannot be underestimated.

Adoptees survived something that was beyond their control. An infant or young child without parents who love and care for them is at risk. Although they may not remember what they went through, they are well aware that their physical and emotional safety was compromised. Life fell apart for a while. Often, there was trauma, relinquishment, abuse and instability. The adoption story is not just of abandonment or relinquishment. The adoption story is about survival. Some survived the relinquishment and then were safe in a stable adoptive home. Others had to survive again and again.

-excerpt adapted from “Parenting in the Eye of the Storm: The Adoptive Parent’s Guide to Navigating the Teen Years.

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Another Survival Issue For Adopted Teens

August 29, 2019 by KTNFTZGER98712 Leave a Comment

Suicide – Another Survival Issue For Adopted Teens

I’ve described the adoption story for some as one of survival. Adoptees survived a tenuous situation that others did not. Adoptees will often go to great lengths not to be abandoned again.

Originally, they feared not being taken care of and getting their basic needs met. As children, that fear was mostly directed at their adoptive parents and caretakers. Mostly, they held adults responsible for how their life unfolded. Coming to terms with this experience was focused on accepting the lack of control that they had in their lives.

“It wasn’t your fault,” adults would say. “There was nothing that you could have done.” They were dependent on the kindness of strangers. And, for the most part, their life was out of their hands.

But now things are a little bit different. Adopted teens are approaching adulthood. And, although their parents continue to hold a prominent role in their life, adopted teens recognize that they now have a lot more power and control.

Now, their life is in their hands.

Adopted teens go from too little to too much control, both of which can be terrifying. Part of growing up is learning that you have more power over yourself and your own life than anyone else. This awareness can feel overwhelming for many adopted teens and, for some, unbearable.

Suicidality is also centered on survival. I would argue that for some adopted teens, suicidality becomes part of their continuing story as a survivor.

Research tells us that adopted teens are four times more likely to make a suicide attempt. In order to better understand what they’re going through, it’s not enough to ask, “Are you feeling suicidal?” Their relationship to suicidality cannot be distilled down to a “yes” or a “no” answer.

Themes that may shed some light on why adopted teens are at higher risk are survival, mental health, anger and identity. As an adoptive parent, you’re faced with the daunting task of being informed but not consumed by the life and death stakes of this topic. Perhaps a part of you is summoning that old saying, “If it ain’t broke, why fix it? They’re fine!” Some fear that putting suicide on the table, even in unspoken ways, may encourage it somehow. I understand that concern but that hasn’t been my experience. Eight out of ten people considering suicide give some sign of their intentions. Raising your awareness is less risky in the long run.

Learn more about this topic “Parenting In the Eye of the Storm: The Adoptive Parent’s Guide to Navigating the Teen Years.” Available at Amazon, Barnes & Noble and Jessica Kingsley Publishers.

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My Take on ’13 Reasons Why’ – The Good, the Bad and the Misleading

August 29, 2019 by KTNFTZGER98712 Leave a Comment

(Disclaimer: This is a general opinion piece. Just had to get it off my chest! To learn more about mental health and adoption, check out my book.)

I decided to watch ’13 Reasons Why’  after hearing from parents of teens I was working with that their teen wanted to or had already watched it. Some saw bits and pieces, often the bits that were the most graphic, disturbing and controversial. Parents were scared about what this could do to their teen. After all, their teens were already emotionally vulnerable, which is why they were seeing me for therapy in the first place.

HOLLYWOOD

The plot seems absurd, contrived and glamorous. Certainly, there has been much uproar about the showing of how the character, Hannah, killed herself. Depicting details of how a suicide unfolds raises suicide risk. This is well-documented. Also, the absence of mental health was bizarre given that research suggests that around 90% of those who die from suicide had a diagnosable mental disorder.

IRRESPONSIBLE

Clearly, the goal of the show was to expose the issues, not to educate, or model how things could be different or better. In my opinion, this is irresponsible! Many have commented on the fact that the adults in the show were utterly useless, incompetent and in some ways, harmful. Having adults depicted in this manner undermines our message as parents, teachers, caretakers, to tell someone, preferably an adult.

WHAT THEY COULD HAVE DONE BETTER

There are many ways the show could have at least tried to mitigate these issues. Along with the warning about graphic material, they could have also included a reminder that this is fictional, not related to anyone in real life. They could have edited it differently so that it would be easier to avoid the graphic scenes. And, they could have stated an age limit such as 13 with parent’s permission, as they do with movies. I’m not saying that some tweens wouldn’t still watch it, but at least the message would be clear. I’m especially upset about tweens and teens who haven’t had sex yet. To have this be their first exposure to it is inappropriate.

TRUTHS

Although there was much in the series that was distorted, there were also some truths in it. For example, although they distorted parent’s obliviousness, you’d be surprised at just how little teens tell their parents about their lives. Not to be overly dramatic, but often what teens tell parents is just the tip of the iceberg. The series captured this piece. The other thing it is captured, is how fast everything goes in high school. It’s so fast. The rumors, the bullying, the grades, the cliques, the drugs, etc. It’s all just whizzing by. It’s hard for them, let alone for us, to keep track. It really is a storm.

“REASONS”

I recently attended a forum in my town in which there was a discussion about this series. One of the members of the panel was a high schooler. She said (paraphrasing), “Hannah had 13 reasons that she killed herself, but in reality, you might have 5 reasons, or 1 reason, or no reason.” It’s almost easier for teens to be depressed when there’s a clear precipitant – their father died, or their parents got divorced, or abandonment issues, etc. That’s hard and really painful. But, it can be just as hard and even sometimes harder to not have a reason at all. Sometimes you can have a great life, lots of friends, sports, good grades, tons of future potential, great family, and still want to kill yourself. When adults keep asking, why, why, it can just make them feel more guilty. Perhaps it’s a genetic predisposition to depression, which often comes to fruition in the teen years. Maybe they don’t have a “good” reason. And, if that’s the case, badgering them to figure it out will just make them feel more guilty.

REGRET

One of the other things that the show missed was the common experience of regret. Often those who attempt suicide experience regret at the last minute, which Hannah seemingly did not. Kevin Briggs wrote a book, “Guardian of the Golden Gate – Protecting the Line Between Hope and Despair.” His job was to try to prevent people from jumping off the Golden Gate Bridge. In his foreword, “Most people who commit suicide don’t actually want to die. The few who have survived the 220 foot fall from the Golden Gate Bridge all agree that the moment they let go of the railing, they wanted to live.”

OPPORTUNITY FOR CONVERSATION

Although the series did not necessarily move the conversation forward about mental health, it did provide a way to talk about suicide, rape and other taboo, upsetting issues that happen too much. Often, teens watch stuff that we as adults aren’t privy too. We don’t have to depend on their report of whatever is going on. We can see it for ourselves and speak in a thoughtful, connected, informed way.

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Katie Naftzger, LICSW



Phone: (617) 448-4252
katiejae35@gmail.com

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Katie Naftzger, LICSW

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Phone: (617) 448-4252
Email: katiejae35@gmail.com


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